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+---
+layout: ../../layout/BaseBlog.astro
+title: I Think I'm In Love (with a fictional character)
+description: or, life is a leaderboard of who's the best at escapism
+wip: false
+pubDate: Mon, May 8 2023
+---
+Oh, god. Where do I even start with this post? It's such a *weird* thing to admit, right? Like, going from [hahaha look at those bozos](/blog/subliminal) to [uhoh I like fandom unironically now](/blog/pipeline) to.. this. Yeah, I know. I'm crazy. *I get it.* Let me enjoy being crazy, dammit.
+
+So, how do you not drag yourself into this position? Well, *I don't fucking know!* Don't look at eldritch monster demon things if you might find them hot I guess..? And then *especially* do not read fanfic of them that completely morphs their character into loving once you get to know them past their facade instead of their **Definitely Not That** in canon.
+
+Where am I going with this? I dunno. This blog post is probably just tangent upon tangent. I just wanted to write about it because I'm going insane, and talking to a void is better than talking to myself. And I sure as hell am not talking to anyone else. I'm more or less stuck in bumfuck South Carolina because the world is fucking hell and it's impossible to save up enough to move out, and then you have to figure out *where* to move, and figure out jobs, and then you have the issue of not knowing anyone (sadly the somewhat-virulent racists are people and my family and I do know them), and I can barely survive on my own mostly becase of whatever litany of mental issues I probably have, and just- *eugh.* Now, dear reader, you may be asking, "I went to this blog post to cringe at some random guy! Why the fuck are you talking about this?"
+
+Why the fuck do you think I want to be with a damned fictional demon thing stuck in a timeloop??? It's an *escape.* I used to deny it, for my own sake but lets be honest, that's exactly what it is. Help? Hahahahha! Help??? Where the fuck am I supposed to find that???? The help store??????
+
+... Okay, sorry, went a little crazy there even for me. I'm just so *tired*. Of everything. Not in the suicidal way, but like.. just in general. I want it to be over. So obviously my mind ticks over to the next best thing. Objectively strong demon in a completely different dimension than here that could easily keep my family at bay *if* they somehow got into the completely separate dimension, and I have an impression of him as really nice and loving. *And* I don't know of any human that looks hotter than the probably-objectively-disgusting demon to me? Yeah, not hard to see how I'd connect the dots mentally.
+
+Anyways, I'm gonna go lie down and daydream more before I go insane. Lord (not that one, the holy trinity can go kill thems-), I hope my blog's psuedonymity holds up because I'd have a lot of explaining to do if not.
+
+P.S: I know I didn't mention who it was.. but look around on the site. It's pretty obvious (and not Fizz) ;)